juni 24

JP: Jo, du skal blande dig i de unges liv!

231  kommentarer

Mens 95 procent af forældrene synes, at de har talt nok med deres unge om uddannelsesvalg, synes kun 50 procent af de unge selv, at samtalerne har været nok. Angsten for et forventningspres skabt af forældrene og en misforstået respekt for de unges frihed, holder mange voksne tilbage fra at mene noget helhjertet om situationen.

Paradoksalt nok er det her, at svigtet opstår. Ikke kun mht deres studievalg – som der er frist på nu den 5. juli. Mange unge er i dag under et sygeligt præstationspres og længes efter ærlige og åbne samtaler med voksne. En samtaleguide kan hjælpe begge parter på vej.  

”Hvis jeg havde haft denne samtale før jeg valgte mit første studie, havde jeg ikke valgt forkert!”

Så klart ryger ordene ud af Frederikke på Mors dag efter at hun lige har haft en samtale med sin mor om sit kommende studievalg. Vi er mange mødre og vores unge, der har forladt sollyset udenfor og i stedet tilbragt de sidste timer i sofaer og lænestole i den hyggelige uKirke på Vesterbro. Vi har nemlig sagt ja til at være med i et spændende eksperiment. Værten er Engineer the Future, der er en teknologisk alliance af mange parter, bla. Dansk Industri og Ingeniørforeningen. De har i samarbejde med psykologer og studievalgseksperter udviklet en samtaleguide (samtaleguide.dk), som forældre og unge kan følge, så man kommer tæt på det, der virkelig driver det unge menneske. Den fås i tre udgaver, der tager hensyn til den tid man har, og den kommer forbi emner som relationer, engagement, drømme, formål og selvfølgelig mål.   

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Og de unge har seriøst brug for mange og gode samtaler. Generation Z, som står foran studievalg eller har været i gang i nogle år, er sammen med generation Y, som i 2025 ifølge Deloitte, vil udgøre 75 procent af arbejdsmarkedet, de mest pressede generationer nogensinde. Når vi måler på deres psykiske velbefindende. Se bare nogle uhyggelige statistikker:

40,5% af de unge piger mellem 16-24 år lider af høj stress, mens det gælder for 23,4% af de unge mænd. 20-30 procent lider af angst. 20 procent har en depression. 10-15 procent lider af selvskadende adfærd. Den mest ensomme gruppe i Danmark er i dag ikke de ældre, men de unge piger.

Nogle gange giver den slags tal anledning til kommentarer á la: Er de ikke bare curlingbørn, der aldrig har lært at klare sig selv? Er det ikke sådan noget pseudo-fis de lider af, fordi de ikke får det, som de vil ha’ det?!

Og hver gang synker mit hjerte, for det er ikke bare en respektløs udtalelse. Det er også en virkelig ukærlig og ignorant tanke, der ligger bag den slags ord. Helt faktuelt har skolen og uddannelsessystemet ændret sig afgørende henover et par generationer, og i dag testes og vurderes elever og studerende efter helt andre vilkår, end vi tidligere har set, hvilket Center for Ungdomsforskning har leveret mange undersøgelser om.

Det har fået mange unge til at udvikle såkaldte coping-strategier, der skal iscenesætte dem overfor læreren som dygtige til at præstere ved at give de svar, som systemet ønsker. Men det lærer dem ikke at mestre livet eller at blive dannede som mennesker. Tværtimod lærer de i al for høj grad, hvad der virker i de evindelige tests, som de hele tiden bliver målt ud fra, og ikke mindst hvad der gør sig til en eksamen. Forventeligt nok stimulerer det ikke deres nysgerrighed, eller holder dem åbne, tvivlende, famlende og opsøgende, så de kan finde deres egne svar. Og det har gjort dem langt mere sårbare, end nogen tidligere ung generation har været.

Det virkelig tåbelige er, at hvor vi tidligere var et foregangsland, der viste hvordan man gennem tillid og selvstændighed, kunne udvikle kreative elever og hele mennesker i skolesystemet, hvorfor udlandet valfartede hertil for at blive klogere, har vi i dag adopteret test- og målesystemet, som mange andre lande ønsker at forlade. Fordi det ikke skaber kreative og innovative borgere. Tværtimod. Så vi arbejder os bagud i stedet for fremad.

I årevis har jeg holdt foredrag om de unge og har derfor haft mange samtaler med både Y’ere og Z’ere, og det slår mig hver gang, hvor stor længslen er, efter at blive taget alvorligt af en voksen. Eller rettere: De længes efter at have dybe, åbne, ærlige samtaler med en voksen, som gider at se dem. Virkelig se dem. For alt er på spil i det tidspunkt af livet. Især deres identitet, køn, relationer, kærlighed, karriere, økonomi, krop, udseende og seksualitet. Så jo, de vil faktisk gerne have, at de voksne blander sig i deres liv. Så de bliver bedre til at mærke og blive klogere på sig selv.

At indblandingen skal ske på en respektfuld måde giver sig selv. Hvis man selv er lidt usikker, er samtaleguiden en virkelig fin indgang. Men det vigtigste er, at man lytter. Og lytter. Og lytter. Så man bliver den kærlige væg, der reflekterer den andens tanker tilbage til hende eller ham, så de kan blive klogere på sig selv. Det er også fint at dele egne erfaringer, holdninger og iagttagelser. Men det er no-go at forvente, at den anden er enig. Eller vil bruge det man kommer med. Det skal gives væk med åben hånd. Meningen er, at man bliver det sikre tyngdepunkt af fordomsfrihed og inspiration, som de kan læne sig ind i, når de føler sig hvirvlet ind i livets forvirring.

Samtalerne er nødvendige året rundt. Men lige nu er det aktuelt med studievalget, der skal ske senest den 5. juli. Heldigvis gik Engineer the Futures eksperimentet så godt, at de overvejer at gentage det til næste år. Flere steder i landet. Og selvom det er moren, der har størst indflydelse på de unges studievalg, er der planer om også at tilbyde muligheden på Fars dag. Bring it on!

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