marts 29

JP: Det største tabu

99  kommentarer

Med knugende vidde omkring sig på bænken sidder den dukkede alpehue og holder om de store knæ med krogede hænder. Blikket hægter sig modvilligt på dig, da du går forbi i hastigt tempo, men inden du når at registrere det, er det allerede gledet af dig igen og ligger som et tyndt slør henover den gamles sko. Så du går videre, mens du fortsætter tankerækken over alt det – og dem – du skal nå. I dag.

Vendte du om, satte dig ved siden af ham på bænken og forsøgte at samle blikket op igen, ville du måske møde din egen værste angst. Alle menneskers største angst: Isolation. At være ufrivillig alene. Ensom. Og måske er det også derfor, at du jager videre mod flere tjekmarks i din kalender, så du ikke når at mærke, hvordan det ville være, selv at være den, der sad på bænken med alt for meget social vægtløshed omkring sig.

Med dig bærer du måske endnu en bekræftelse på en fordom; nemlig at ensomhed mest er knyttet til ældre mennesker. Sådan er det ikke.

Ensomhed rammer alle aldre. Også de voksne. Og de senere år mere og mere de unge. En undersøgelse Rambøll/Analyse Danmark har lavet for JP viser, at 40 procent af de unge mellem 18 og 25 år føler sig ensomme. Som samfund står vi altså over for et alvorligt problem i en ellers hypersocial tid, hvor ingen er længere væk fra andre end en blid berøring af en mus eller en skærm. Og hvor ordet netværk i for mange tilfælde har erstattet ordet venskab.

Heldigvis gør nogen noget.

Folkebevægelsen mod Ensomhed er en ny sammenslutning af over 40 organisationer og virksomheder, der har det erklærede mål at halvere antallet af ensomme fra 212.000 i dag til 106.000 i 2020. Det er et enkelt budskab, der er til at forstå. Og som bliver fulgt op af mange forskellige tiltag, der helt basalt set skal være med til at mindske afstanden mellem mennesker, der ønsker at mødes og skabe fælles liv og udveksle historier og identiteter.

Røde Kors har fx den succesfulde besøgsven-ordning og Ældresagen bidrager med et stort fællesskab med mange aktiviteter, hvor frivillige henter de ensomme, så de ikke selv skal bryde den første is, for noget af det sværeste som ensom er nemlig at møde op alene. Men deres vigtigste formål er måske i virkeligheden overhovedet at sætte emnet på vores fælles dagsorden.

Ensomhed ligner nemlig langt fra kun den isolerede alpehue på bænken. Den har også krop i form af den umiddelbart succesfulde kollega, der altid har travlt med at skulle alt muligt, men som kommer hjem til to tørre stueplanter og en bundløs følelse af forladthed, når alle de formelle kontakter har sagt farvel. Eller den unge smukke såkaldte 12-tals pige, der græder sig i søvn hver eneste – hver eneste – hver eneste nat, og som vågner kl. 3 hver eneste – hver eneste – hver eneste nat og ligger og kæmper med følelsen af at blive opslugt af et sort hul af fiasko uden nogen at række ud til.

Ensomhedens bedste allierede er, at vi ikke taler åbent om den. Og derfor kan den får lov til at vokse konstant og få flere medlemmer. Vi taler ikke om ensomhed, fordi det er forbundet med en dyb skam over at føle sig socialt værdiløs. Og da det er de færreste, der tør udstille den skam åbent, lader vi bare være med at tale om den.

Det særligt raffinerede ondskabsfulde ved ensomhed er, at jo mindre vi taler om den og deler den med andre, jo mere ensomme bliver vi. Derfor lander mange i et frivilligt ufrivilligt fængsel, fordi vi skal gøre det, som vi frygter mest, når vi er ensomme: Række ud efter andre. Tro på, at vi har noget at bidrage med til fællesskabet. Og derigennem bryde ensomheden og i stedet blive en aktiv del af en gruppe mennesker, som man kan finde mening, tilhørsforhold og latter med. Men med den klare risiko, at vi bliver afvist, når vi endelig rækker ud. Angsten for endnu en afvisning gør, at mange slet ikke forsøger. Derfor at det er så vigtigt at få det sat på dagsordenen. Også som noget, der kan gøres meget mindre.

For ikke så længe siden var stress, anoreksi, alkoholisme og incest emner, som næsten aldrig blev berørt i offentligheden, hvorfor dens ofre blev dobbelt ramt af isolation og fiasko. I dag taler vi langt mere åbent om det og har en helt anden forståelse for det, hvilket har frisat de mennesker der bliver berørt af det til ikke at opleve samme massive fortielse som tidligere, og derfor lettere kan få hjælp i tide. Hertil skal vi også nå med ensomheden.   

Ensomhed er ikke kun et ubehageligt vilkår at leve under. Den er ganske enkelt dødelig. Forskning fra University of Chicago viser, at langvarig, ufrivillig ensomhed nedsætter levetiden med op til 14 procent! Det danske samfund er for rigt – på alle parametre – til at acceptere, at det er stigende problem i befolkningen. Derfor er tiltag som Folkebevægelsen mod Ensomhed så vigtig.

Men vi kan jo også selv gøre noget, når vi møder ensomheden. Enten hos os selv – eller hos andre. Vi behøver hverken forskning eller skarpe analyser til at vise os, hvad vi kan gøre. Ræk ud. Så simpelt er det. Uanset i hvilken ende af ensomheden du befinder dig.

På et tidspunkt rammer du en hånd, der rækker tilbage. 

 


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