januar 21

JP: Den gode hjertesorg

211  kommentarer

”Det jeg frygter mest er, at jeg holder op med at elske hende!”

Sætningen giver umiddelbart ingen mening i forhold til situationen. Og måske derfor har hans stemme en underlig tør klang. Som kom den fra en tom kagedåse. For ordene tilhører et menneske, der ugen før blev forladt af sin kæreste, og som nu er knust af hjertesorg.

Men sætningen giver faktisk mening.

For frygten for at miste kærligheden til den elskede, bunder i angsten for at opdage, at der så aldrig mere kommer en, som kan træde ind i hans hjerte og lyse det op indefra. Hvis håbet forsvinder, er der intet tilbage. Så hellere mærke kærligheden i al sin smerte. Også selvom den gør hans krop for lille til de følelser af hjemløs kærlighed, som jagter ham vågen dag og nat.

Så jeg siger, at jeg forstår. For det gør jeg. Jeg har jo selv været der. Som de fleste.

Desværre lever vi i en kultur, der er smerteforskrækket. Alt hvad der gør ondt, skal helst fikses på fire minutter, og selv vejen ud af smerten, må gerne være bedøvet, så vi slet ikke mærker noget som helst, men bare er hurtigt videre. Og det er denne Skrid-Smerte-Skrid holdning, han hele tiden bliver mødt med, når han deler sine følelser.

Og det går ham på. For han kan ikke få dem til at gå væk. Og han har heller ikke lyst til at de bare forsvinder. Det siger han under vores tredje samtale denne uge og måske burde jeg bare sidde og lytte. Og lytte. Til han var tømt for alle chokreaktioner og famlende fejlslutninger på den manglende logik i situationen. Men jeg er irriterende ambitiøs på hans vegne og vil netop have ham til at få noget ud af alle de følelser, der pludselig er åbnet op i ham. Så jeg spørger ind. Til hvad han føler lige nu. Til hvad han har mistet. Og hvorfor det er et tab.

For hjertesorg er aldrig noget man bare skal se at komme over. Aldrig.

Tværtimod. Man skal sørge, for at komme godt igennem den. Gaven i et forrevet hjerte er nemlig, at det giver adgang til at erfare sig selv uden filter. Lige som når man er forelsket. Bare med omvendt fortegn. Bogstaveligt talt. Og lige der, i angsten og sorgen og smerten, finder vi som regel ind til, hvem vi også er. Hvilke bundløse dybder vi indeholder, og ikke blot hvilke skønne højder, vi stræber efter. Det er kun i spændvidet mellem lys og mørke, at vi for alvor kan mærke, hvad vi inderst inde længes efter. Og ikke før vi kender og tager ejerskab for det, vil vi kunne finde og få det. Og måske der, justere os selv på plads på ny.

Hjertesorg handler ikke kun om tabet af en elsker.

Det opleves i alle relationer. Også de, der stadig eksisterer, men som pludselig ændrer karakter. Fx når børnene bliver voksne. Eller når et voksent barn må tage et opgør med en forælder. Eller når et venskab må tilpasses. Den opstår også, når man må opgive en vigtig drøm, fordi man erkender, at den aldrig kommer til at ske. Eller når man opgiver en passion, som man har investeret sig selv og sin fremtid i, fordi man en dag oplever, at den ikke længere er vigtig. Og at længslen den var båret af, nu er blevet til en diffus tomhed, der gør kroppen urolig og sindet retningsløst.

Og den kan også opstå, når man pludselig mister sit job og sine kollegaer, som mange medarbejdere oplever i disse dage med de mange statslige udflytninger.

I alle situationer er hjertesorgen en smerte, der vil dig noget godt. Fordi den er et bevis på, at du ikke er ligeglad. Men i stedet for at haste videre til noget nyt, skal vi altså give os plads og tid til at lære noget af smerten. Ligesom vi skal respektere, at sorg er en proces med flere stadier. Det er fornuftigt at overgive sig til det, for forskning viser, at de, der reelt kommer hurtigst og bedst videre, er de, der kigger på både sig selv og bruddet med kritiske øjne, for at blive klogere. Især på sig selv.

Problemet er dog, at vores effektivitetsparadigme hundser alt for mange hurtigt videre. Desværre ofte til noget, som er forkert. For det viser sig gang på gang, at de der skynder sig videre, ofte oplever at de taber sig selv. Igen. Især dem, der søger at ”vinde” et partnerbrud ved at være den første til at vise sig med en ny kæreste. Der de fleste gange handler om, at ”rebound-partneren” skal agere både følelsesmæssig skraldespand og bekvemt ”Se-hvor-uimodståelig-JEEEEG-er!” bagtæppe.

Forskning viser, at mænd oftere end kvinder benytter sig af denne model. En undersøgelse blandt 5700 ny-singler fra 96 forskellige lande, viser dog også, at mens kvinder ofte kommer sig helt efter et brud, er der desværre en stor overvægt af mænd, der aldrig kommer sig over det. Selv de, der finder sammen med en ny. Måske har det noget at gøre med, at cirka 2/3 af alle brud initieres af kvinden, så selvom han snart sidder og kissermisser med en anden, er det altså ikke nødvendigvis et udtryk for, at han ikke elsker hende mere og er kommet sig over hende. Måske ligefrem tværtimod. Så hvis du er mand og i hjertesorg, skulle du måske give din sorg lidt mere tid og plads, så du bruger den til udvikling fremfor afvikling.

Hvorfor hjertesorg gør fysisk ondt kan forklares videnskabeligt.

Det samme område i hjernen, der reagerer på fysisk smerte, reagerer også når vi føler os ekskluderet eller oplever tabet af en social relation. Faktisk viser studier, at vi hellere vil opleve fysisk smerte end at føle social udelukkelse. Det handler om basal overlevelse. Vi mennesker har brug for at være i nære relationer for at overleve, så vi bliver fra naturens side hjulpet til at opsøge de situationer, som styrker vores overlevelse (forelskelse) og føle smerte ved de situationer, som svækker den (brud). Hælder du derfor til at isolere dig i hjertesorg med grædeis, hulkepopcorn og tudete, mens du binger romantiske film, så sørg for at gøre det i selskab med andre.

Og drop hyggestalkingen af din ex på de sociale medier. Hjertesorg giver (partner)abstinenser på linje med kokain og nikotin, så eneste vej frem er at lave en kold tyrker, i stedet for at aktivere smerten igen og igen, for det forlænger bare pinen. Og lige dét, lærer du intet af!

Hjertesorg skal tages alvorligt og tages hånd om. Den er en reel smerte, som du skal give tid til at heale. Den er også dit wake-up call fra din sjæl og dine dybeste længsler, så:

Lid. Lyt. Lær.

Dét er vejen frem til en ny – bedre! – kærlighed.

Kronik i Jyllandsposten 21. januar 2018 #jyllandsposten #emiliavanhauen #hjertesorg


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