august 25

Femina: Hvis du tror, at du er den eneste….

313  kommentarer

Hvis du tror, at du er den eneste, der har lovet dig selv, at NU vil du aldrig mere overspise, for derefter at hænge foran køleskabet lige før du skal sove, fordi du har lyst til noget, som du ikke ved, hvad er, fordi du føler dig tom på en underlig forladt måde, og derfor ender med at spise en hel masse, som du faktisk ikke har lyst til, og som får dig til at føle dig tyk, tung og trist, så vid, at du ikke er alene.

Hvis du tror, at du er den eneste, der føler dig isoleret, uinviteret og kedelig, når du en søndag eftermiddag browser facebook igennem, og ser hvor spændende, kærlige, sjove liv, alle andre lever, så vid, at undersøgelser viser, at de fleste bliver halvdeprime af at tjekke FB ud. At folk jo kun lægger succeserne op, så alle de gange, hvor de har følt sig isoleret, uinviterede og kedelige, har de ikke delt det.

Ligesom dig.  

Hvis du tror, at du er den eneste, der er blevet forladt af din elskede, at du er den eneste, der har ligget og hulket og savlet henover spisebordet, fordi du var ved at dø af savn efter ham, at dit hoved er fyldt med tusind spørgsmål, for hvordan kunne han pludselig holde op med at elske dig, hvordan kunne han dog pludselig opføre sig så langt ude, hvordan kan det være, at du slet ikke kendte ham, eller var du så torskenaiv, at du ikke ville se, hvem han i virkeligheden var, så vid, at du ikke er alene. At der lige nu, lige her i dit nabolag, ligger andre i fosterstilling i sengen og ikke ønsker at stå op, fordi de er blevet forladt.

Og vid, at om en dag, en uge, en måned, et år, bliver du elsket og elsker selv. Igen.

Eller hvis du tror, at du er den eneste, der har svigtet din elskede, forladt ham, været ham utro, opført dig uværdigt, egoistisk, uforståeligt, og at du er overfyldt af skam over, at du dog kunne gøre sådan, så vid, at du på ingen måde er alene om det. At sådan er vi mennesker også, selv når vi tror, at vi aldrig selv kunne finde på at være sådan, for nogle gange kommer livet ind på os på en måde, som vi slet ikke er forberedt på, at pludselig gør vi ting, vi havde forsvoret, at vi nogensinde ville gøre. Men også, at vi har evnen til at gøre svigt gode igen ved at række ud, undskylde, søge tilgivelse og oftest få den.

Og at den største (op)gave mange gange er at tilgive sig selv.

Hvis du tror, at du er den eneste, der på smertelig måde er blevet for overflødig i dine børns liv, at du aldrig mere hører om det, der virkelig betyder noget for dem, og at du står der, som en syvårig skolepige, der træder sig selv over tæerne, når du higer efter at de ser dig, vil dig, ønsker dig i deres liv, og ikke bare råber gylleord efter dig, smækker med døren, forlader dig, og dit hjerte er ved at gå i tusind skarpe stumper, for hvor skal du nu gøre af al den kærlighed, ømhed og håb, som du ellers har sendt i deres retning, for at få det mere end tifold tilbage, og at du dagligt nages af en afgrundsdyb tvivl om du i virkeligheden har været, er, en dårlig mor, så vid, at du ikke er alene. At alle forældre oplever det her.

Så tro på, at de kommer tilbage. En dag. For det gør de.

Hvis du tror, at du er noget særligt, så tro om. Vi bliver alle svigtet, forladt, er ensomme og gør dumme ting, også overfor dem vi elsker, så du er ikke specielt uelskelig, kikset, dum, naiv, grim, svag, sårbar, ensom, isoleret.

Du er bare et menneske. Og sådan er vi.

Også.

Klumme i Femina uge 34, 2016

 


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