april 12

100 ÅRS PERFEKTE MYTER OG LØGNE?

130  kommentarer

Denne kronik blev bragt i Jyllandsposten 6. marts 2011

Under det første moderne OL i 1896, løb en kvinde maratonløbet. Der var bare lige det problem, at kvinder officielt ikke måtte være med, så da hun skulle afslutte løbet, måtte hun ikke komme ind på stadion og løbe sidste omgang. Det lod hun sig ikke anfægte af, og løb derfor runden udenom stadion. Hun fik kælenavnet Melpomene, den græske muse for tragedie.

Denne historie fortæller Helene Gayle, præsidenten for CARE US, en verdensomspændende hjælpeorganisation, som her ved 100 års fejringen af Kvindernes Internationale Kampdag, vil gøre op med 10 myter omkring kvinder.

Projektet er nødvendigt. Især i de mange lande, hvor kvindeundertrykkelsen er en del af hverdagen. Myter sjæler nemlig frihed, ressourcer og liv. Og det er jo ikke godt. Derfor skal myter bekæmpes, så energien, virkelysten og skaberkraften kan flyde frit i samfundet. Det tjener alle.

Den bedste måde at bekæmpe myter på, er ved at modbevise dem. Det gjorde Melpomene i 1896 (jo, kvinder kan godt dyrke sport – og tænk de kan løbe langt!) og kvinder som burmesiske Aung San Suu Kyi og hollandske Ayaan Hirsi Ali gør det i dag (jo, kvinder kan godt kæmpe en politisk kamp!).

I Danmark og resten af Skandinavien har vi gjort op med mange myter. Teknisk set er vi ligestillede, og når det kommer til opmærksomhed på kønnet, er kvinderne mange barberede armhulehår foran mændene. Derfor er det godt, at Lykke Friis nu inviterer mændene ind i et panel, så ligestilling gælder begge køn. Den dag vi som samfund anerkender, at spændingsfeltet mellem de to køn ikke er et problem, men derimod en gratis og uudnyttet naturressource, kan vindmøller og landbrugslorte (tjek landbrugets nye kampagne!) godt pakke sammen i forlegenhed. Det handler nemlig om dyrkelsen af mangfoldighed, som er helt nødvendig, hvis vi skal imødekomme den globale kreative konkurrence, som vores lille BNP-sønderbombede land står overfor. Og lige præcis på køn og co-creation har vi faktisk nogle særlige fordele, som vi skal sørge for at udnytte.

Hvad så med den 8. marts? Har den mistet relevans som kampdag? Nej. For vi har stadig en vigtigt kamp at kæmpe. Indenfor egne rækker. Sandheden om danske kvinder er nemlig at vi lyver. Så det driver!

Reklamebureauet envision holder på tirsdag et seminar om kvinder og løgne, og har i den forbindelse fået lavet en undersøgelse om hvor meget kvinder lyver, hvorfor de gør det og om hvad. At vi lyver, er ikke noget nyt, og jeg er ganske overbevist om, at vi – næsten uanset hvad vi tror om os selv! – lyver hver dag. Af høflighed, omsorg, konfliktskyhed og mange andre gode og mindre gode grunde. Alt fra bittesmå løgne, som “Det var ikke mig!” der tog den sidste flødebolle eller slog en prut, til de større løgne, som “Jeg elsker mit arbejde!” og “Mine børn betyder ALT!!”. Store løgne som vi alle ville ønske var sandhed, men som de færreste mennesker kan leve op til, fordi vi naturligvis ikke er perfekte.

Hvorfor lyver vi så? For at virke perfekte! Og det er bare sørgeligt! Ubeskriveligt sørgeligt! Tænk at vi gennem 100 års kamp for ligestilling, i stedet ender med at blive i et selvbestaltet bur af urimelige forventninger til først og fremmest vores egen fuldkommenhed. En stor del af vores løgne går nemlig på, at vi kvinder er noget mere og bedre, end det vi er. Denne længsel efter at være en bedre udgave af én selv, må komme fra forestillingen om, hvad der er normen. Vi orienterer os i medierne, på arbejdspladsen, i byen, til sammenkomster og har en tendens til at lægge mærke til alt det hos andre kvinder, som er specielt godt ved dem. Og glemmer at lægge mærke til, at hende der er helt opdateret på Noma-kokkeri, dårligt aner hvem Birthe Rønn Hornbech, eller at hende, der altid henter unger kl. 15, ikke kan kende en graveske fra en pose frø. Ting som du måske er et jern til, men som du glemmer at anerkende, fordi “Nå ja – det er jo bare noget jeg kan!”. Og sådan har vi det med at stykke idealkvinden sammen i hovedet, og måle os op imod hende. Hvordan skulle man undgå at blive en fiasko i sådan en sammenhæng? Næh, så hellere pynte lidt på virkeligheden.

På den måde har vi transformeret hundredtusindvis af kloge, selvstændige, selverhvervende kvinder, der faktisk vader i succes, til nogle selvmutilerende væsener, der aldrig er tilfredse med deres liv, fordi der altid er noget, der kunne blive bedre. Og det kan vi faktisk ikke være bekendt. Især ikke overfor vores medsøstre i de lande, der stadig kæmper med myter som “En kvindes plads er i hjemmet”, Piger kan ikke finde ud af matematik. Eller videnskab”, “Piger hører til i en ægteskab, ikke i skolen”, “Kvinder kan ikke lede” eller bare “Hun bad selv om det!” (om vold). CARE og disse kvinder kæmper for at modbevise myterne, så de kan opnå samme status som mænd. Eller blot skabe rum til at være sig selv – med den styrke, intelligens og handlekraft, som mange af dem har.

I Danmark forventes vi ligefrem at handle selvstændigt, bruge vores styrke og dyrke vores intelligens. Alligevel vælger alt for mange at lyve sig selv bedre end de er, fordi de åbenbart ikke føler, de kan leve op til umulige idealer.

Lad derfor Kvindernes Kampdag på tirsdag markere den første dag i de næste 100 år, hvor vi kvinder ALDRIG ALDRIG ALDRIG mere lyver os bedre – eller ringere! – end det vi er. Lad os være præcis så dygtige, smarte, smukke, modige og kiksede, opgivende, asociale, egoistiske, som vi rent faktisk er. Det er kun os selv, der kan sætte os fri af disse løgne nu. Dermed frigør vi ikke kun os selv, men også de mange kvinder rundt om i verden, der er på vej ud af de traditionelle myter – og de har brug for al den hjælp vi kan give dem!

Vil du vide mere? Tjek www.care.dk eller www.envision.dk ud


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