november 6

JP: Vi planlægger os benhårdt til fiasko!

314  kommentarer

Da min ældste søn er fire år gammel, sidder jeg en dag i stuen og holder møde med nogle partnere. Pludselig bliver døren knaldet op og ind løber William, stiller sig midt på gulvet, kaster armene ud til siderne og udbryder: ”Her har I mig!!!!” mens han smiler stort og med klare øjne kigger indgående på os alle sammen. Fuldstændig fritaget for angsten for fiasko. Og forkastelse.

Helt modsat havde jeg det en grå morgen, da jeg skulle ud i regnen og hente den første anmeldelse af min seneste bog. I det øjeblik jeg slog op på siden, blev min indre uro manifesteret i sort og rødt på hvidt; anmelderen havde givet den to hjerter. Både bogen og min person blev hudflettet. Dagen efter var den på landets største boghandlerkædes bestsellerliste, den fik fire stjerner i de andre anmeldelser, gav anledning til over 40 artikler, flere med forside, og det affødte taknemmeligt mange bookinger af foredrag.

Altså en situation som dårligt kan defineres som en fiasko. Ikke engang af den mest forkælede forfatter! Men alt det var ligegyldigt, for indeni mig var der et konstant mørkt kaos. I en kortere periode i mit liv levede jeg med en sær fremmed følelse af selvhad, som jeg ikke tidligere havde erfaret. Og selvom jeg godt vidste, at når jeg kunne blive ramt så hårdt af den anmeldelse, var det jo kun fordi jeg allerede havde et åbent sår der, hvor han havde stukket kniven ind, kunne jeg alligevel ikke frigøre mig fra følelsen af at han havde ret. Selvom jeg indtil da vidste, at det uden tvivl var min bedste bog til dato.

De næste mange måneder blev derfor til et interessant og opslidende genopbygningsarbejde, der i høj grad kom til at handle om mit eget forhold til succes og fiasko. For jeg – og især min undrende omverden – forstod jo ikke, hvordan noget, der vel egentlig var en succes, alligevel kunne opleves som en både pinlig og især pinagtig fiasko. Og det blev helt tydeligt, at hverken succes eller fiasko sjældent handler om fakta, men langt mere om følelser. Og forventninger. Især de skjulte forventninger, som vi ikke engang aner, at vi bærer rundt på, men som bliver så tydelige, når vi bliver skuffede over noget, der egentlig skulle gøre os glade.

På et tidspunkt i dette forløb, begyndte jeg at dele både oplevelsen og tankerne omkring succes og fiasko med mange flere og det viste sig, at alle(!) selv havde lignende følelsesmæssige erfaringer, men at kun få havde nogensinde sat ord på det. Fordi de – som jeg – var ramt af en skamfølelse, der faktisk bundede mindre i fiaskoen (og som sjældent var en reel fiasko!) og mere i, at de ikke havde opnået den grad af succes, som de gik og drømte om. Fordi drømmene var alt, alt, alt for store og ubærlige i forhold til virkeligheden.

Derfor vil jeg gerne – meget mod tidsånden! – opfordre til, at vi skal til at slå vores drømme ihjel! I et samfund, der siden 80erne har dyrket ”personlige udfordringer” og har lært os, at vi skal ”sigte efter månen, for så rammer du i hvert fald stjernerne!” har vi skabt nogle vilkår, der konstant får os til at planlægge os benhårdt og helt systematisk til fiasko! Både på de store linjer, men så sandelig også på hverdagsniveau! Giv det blot en tanke, hvor meget du har nået af alt som du har planlagt at skulle lave i denne uge? Mit gæt er: max halvdelen! Hvorfor du måske sidder med en ærgrelig følelse af fiasko, selvom du måske nåede rigtig meget.

Vores tid og samfund er begrænset af et håbløst ideal om at vi bestandigt skal maksimere os selv, vores tid, vores relationer og vores succes, vores liv, hvorfor vi lever med et konstant glip-kompleks, eller i en FOMO-tilstand (Fear Of Missing Out). Denne illusion om at blive 100 procent forløst, giver halve ægteskaber, halve karrierer, halve relationer, halve studier, halve kroppe – halve liv. For naturligvis er det en utopi, at du en dag får lige præcis den mail, møder lige præcis det menneske, får lige præcis den idé, der gør, at både dig og hele dit liv går fra at være middelmådigt (som de andres), til at være ren originalitet og fuld smadder på den offentlige anerkendelse!

Vi skal derfor lære at slå vores drømme ihjel. De drømme, der invaliderer os i det daglige, fordi vi ikke har en chance for at kunne leve op til dem. I stedet skal vi helt lavpraktisk søge at gøre hver dag til en god dag! Gør en, to, tre ting hver dag, som helt basalt glæder dig og giver dig en følelse af succes og overskud, som du så kan dele ud af til dine omgivelser. Faktisk handler det om at se dig selv som ”fiaskofri”. I dette hyperkomplekse og superperformende samfund har vi nemlig brug for at vide, at vi ikke skal prøve at blive frie for fiasko, men frie fra at føle os som fiaskoer, når vi ikke kan leve op til illusionen om succes. Vi skal med andre ord lave ”en William” og turde tro på, at det (uperfekte) vi har at byde fællesskabet, naturligvis har værdi.

Selv klarede jeg ikke alene at få fuldstændig hjertero. En del af healingen skete nemlig, da anmelderen anbefalede min bog som sommerlæsning, med en ret fin og humoristisk tekst om, at han muligvis havde taget fejl i sin anmeldelse. Siden spurgte jeg ham, om han ikke havde lyst til at interviewe mig på bogmessen, for vi havde jo helt afgjort noget at debattere, og det ville han gerne, men kunne desværre ikke. Så foreløbig er der nærmest gået ren Disney i den og det er jo fint. Samtidig har episoden givet mig stof til både næste foredrag og næste bog. Selvom jeg ikke tror, at lige han skal anmelde min næste bog, trods alt! Og hvis der også går to og fire stjerner i de næste anmeldelser, vil jeg huske mig selv på følgende: Never a failure – always a lesson! 


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