november 4

Raggaebar til mor

61  kommentarer

”Hvor er du heldig, at de stadig gider at tage med dig på ferie!”

Den bemærkning fik jeg en del gange, når jeg fortalte – eller delte på de sociale medier – at jeg var alene på ferie med mine to store sønner på 16 og 18 år. Og jeg følte mig også heldig. Men det var bestemt ikke kun held, at de gerne ville med.

Jeg havde nemlig benyttet mig af bestikkelse. 

Det har været på vej længe, men de senere år er jeg definitivt gået fra at være deres primære heltinde til at være den, man tåler. Hver gang jeg har et mindre indre sammenbrud over det, trøster jeg mig med mantraet om, at de jo skal forlade mig for at blive hele mennesker og mere af samme visdomsgejl – men mit hjerte føles alligevel som en papirserviet, der til tider bliver revet langsomt over i tusind strimler. Også selvom jeg inderst inde ved, at vi faktisk har et nært forhold til hinanden og at de elsker mig. 

Med det i mente, vidste jeg allerede sidste år, at jeg hellere måtte alliere mig med et rejsebureau, der kunne sammensætte en fantastisk rejse, som jeg havde sparet op til hele året, og som de ikke kunne sige nej til. Med den indlagte snubletråd, at den yngste elsker at stege på en hvid strand, hvilket den ældste hader, mens den ældste elsker at være aktiv, hvilket den yngste ikke orker. Valget faldt på øen Bali. Og det gik som jeg håbede på; vi fik 12 fantastiske dage sammen. Med alt fra besøg i en abeskov, paladser, templer, rismarker og kunstnerkollektiver (nå nej, der tog jeg hen alene!) til lækre strande og gode restauranter og fede cafeer, hvor vi hang ud og fedtede et sæt spillekort til, som jeg havde købt på en bar. Væk var vi fra hverdagen, hvor vi alt for ofte lever parallelle liv. I stedet delte vi nu alle oplevelser og var sammen på en anden måde, end vi plejer. Som også gav andre samtaler end vi plejer at have. Hvilket var det, jeg mest af alt havde håbet på også ville opstå: At vi kom tættere på hinanden. Som mennesker. 

En morgen under vores ophold i den vidunderlige kunstnerby Ubud, blev vi hentet kl. 2.30 for at køre til foden af den aktive vulkan Mount Batur, som vi besteg i mørket og med lommelygte i hånden, indtil vi nåede toppen lidt før solen stod op. Mens vi sad der på jorden, tæt ved siden af hinanden, og lod lyset falde ind over os, og øjnene trak det smukke sceneri af øen set fra oven ind i sjælen, fandt mit hjerte en dyb glæde i, at mine sønner var på vej til at blive voksne mænd, der kunne skabe gode liv for sig selv. Og at det måske var mit stikord til for alvor at slippe morrollen, som jeg kendte den.

Nogle dage senere havde vi den sidste aften på øen Gili Trawangan (et stop jeg havde udvalgt særligt til dem, fordi det var en party-ø), ville de forventeligt alene i byen. Jeg havde lagt mærke til en bar, hvor de spillede reggaemusik, som jeg elsker, så jeg inviterede dem på aftenens første drink der, inden de kunne drage videre og støve en aften op for sig selv på de andre umpf-umpf-umpf barer. Og da de var gået, sad jeg pludselig – for første gang i mit liv – alene på en bar i byen med mig selv. Det udviklede sig til en af de sjoveste aftener på ferien og da jeg endelig tog hjem til hotellet, nåede jeg nærmest kun ind på værelset, før de to andre også kom hjem. Og i deres ansigter kunne jeg se, at de måske også slap mig ud af morrollen et kort sekund, for de kiggede overrasket på mig og udbrød: ”Er du lige kommet hjem??!! Hvad har du lavet så længe??!!”

Bragt i Femina d. 17.10.2019


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